in the silence

Now there was a great wind, so strong that it was splitting mountains and breaking rocks in pieces before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind; and after the wind an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake; and after the earthquake a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire; and after the fire a sound of sheer silence.   When Elijah heard it, he wrapped his face in his mantle and went out and stood at the entrance of the cave. Then there came a voice to him that said, ‘What are you doing here, Elijah?’

-1 Kings 19:11-13

Over the past few weeks—or months—I’ve bathed myself in noise.  The computer/TV has been a constant—and the sound of teeth crunching on potato chips and candy.  I spend much of my alone time avoiding silence. 

While preparing for my monthly article club, I heard Wendell Berry read his poem “How to be a Poet.”  “Sit down…Be quiet...Breathe with unconditional breath/the unconditioned air.”  The final stanza reads:

Accept what you can from silence.

Make the best you can of it.

Of the little words that come

out of the silence, like prayers

prayed back to the one who prays,

make a poem that does not disturb

the silence from which it came.

I am not much of a poet, but for me this one could be titled “How to Pray.”  I avoid silence because I know God is there, in that sacred space where I am exposed—where I see things about myself I do not like.  Yet there is also grace in the quiet.

This year I am working half time.  My friend Melanie had a similar year after seminary, and said it was a time to learn that her identity is separate from what she does as a living.  Yet when I have space I want to fill it—whether with “productive” things like working on the house, doing my job, or training for a marathon; or my more frequent temptation: watching trashy TV. 

This week I’ve tried to be silent, just a little—to pray with words, then be still.  Most times I don’t hear anything.  A lot of times I fall asleep.  Sometimes I go back to the TV to reward myself.  Yet good things do seem to emerge. 

I’m not always good about committing to things, but this year I’m going to try and be a poet. 

a goodnight song

Let us make a joyful noise to the rock of our salvation.
-Psalm 95:1b 

blowtorch

He will baptize you with the Holy Spirit and fire.

-Matthew 3:11

I just baptized my marshmallows with fire.  I love you, Fat Boy. 

in a broad place

Thou hast set my feet in a broad place.

-Psalm 31:8

O Lord, you have searched me and known me.

You know when I sit down and when I rise up;

you discern my thoughts from far away.

You search out my path and my lying down,

and are acquainted with all my ways.

Even before a word is on my tongue,

O Lord, you know it completely,

You hem me in, behind and before,

and lay your hand upon me.

Such knowledge is too wonderful for me

it is so high that I cannot attain it.

Where can I go from your spirit?

Or where can I flee from your presence?

If I ascend to heaven, you are there;

if I make my bed in Shē’ōl, you are there.

If I take the wings of the morning

and settle at the farthest limits of the sea,

even there your hand shall lead me,

and your right hand shall hold me fast.

If I say, "Surely the darkness shall cover me,

and he light around me become night,"

even the darkness is not dark to you;

the night is as bright as the day,

for darkness is as light to you.

For it was you who formed my inward parts;

you knit me together in my mother's womb.

I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.

Wonderful are your works; 

that I know very well.

My frame was not hidden from you,

when I was being made in secret,

intricately woven in the depths of the earth.

Your eyes beheld my unformed substance,

In your book were written all the days that were formed for me,

when none of them as yet existed.

How weighty to me are your thoughts, O God!

How vast is the sum of them!

I try to count them--they are more than the sand;

I come to the end--I am still with you.

These are the first eighteen verses of Psalm 139.  Isn't it beautiful?  It's also alarming.  God knows us so deeply, sees everything we do, is always there.  I used to run from these words, but I've begun to find life in them.  

In his book The Spirit of Life Moltmann reflects on the way in which God both guards our hearts and sets us free.  On Psalm 31:8 ("you have set my feet in a broad place") he says "The divine Spirit is experienced as the Lord who sets free, and as the free space in which 'there is no more cramping.'"  Yet in the beautiful paradox of life in the Spirit, "it can also be said that 'Thou encompasseth me from every side' (Ps. 139:5); and people who have this experience know that they are kept safe and set free in the broad place of the Spirit in which they can breathe deeply and unfurl their potentialities."

I wish I lived in that open living space all the time, but the sad truth is that I am so often cramped in my anxious, self-focused existence.  And yet I believe there will come a day when we are all set free to live in a broad place, hemmed in by the love of God.


Source: Jurgen Moltmann, The Spirit of Life, p. 277

spicy pumpkin soup

Better is a dinner of vegetables where love is than a fatted ox and hatred in it.

Proverbs 15:17

This soup is delicious.  We eat it with grilled swiss cheese sandwiches.  Make it sometime!

Spicy Pumpkin Soup

4 tbsp unsalted butter

2 medium yellow onions, chopped

2 teaspoons minced garlic

1/8 to 1/4 teaspoons crushed red pepper

2 teaspoons curry powder

1/2 teaspoon ground coriander

Pinch of ground cayenne pepper

3 cans pumpkin or 6 cups roasted pumpkin puree*

5 cups chicken or vegetable broth or water

2 cups of milk

1/2 cup brown sugar

1/2 cup heavy cream (you can substitute milk or half and half)

Melt butter in a big pot and cook the onions and garlic in it over medium-ish heat until soft (just a few minutes).  Stir in the spices and cook for about one more minute.  Add pumpkin and broth; mix well.  Boil and reduce heat, simmering for 15 minutes.

Little by little blend the soup in your blender (food processor works too) till it's good and smooth.  Then return it to the pot.  Over low heat add the brown sugar and slowly stir in the milk and then the cream.  If your broth isn't salty, add salt to taste.  

*I made pumpkin puree with leftover Halloween pumpkins after buying eight for youth group kids to carve (they never got carved).  They are still good over a month later!  You're supposed to use sugar pumpkins, but these taste just fine.  For instructions on making homemade pumpkin puree, go here: pumpkin puree recipe.  

Sources: Simply Recipes, for soup, adapted from Oprah magazine

               Annie's Eats, for pumpkin puree

Et tu, Brute?

Whenever life is affirmed over against death, there the Spirit is at work.

-Beverly Mitchell on Moltmann

Tonight in Systematic Theology we talked about how Jürgen Moltmann believes the Holy Spirit is at work whenever life is affirmed over and against death.  Dr. Mitchell said that “anyone who says yes to life says no to war."

Then I came home and said no to life and yes to war.  I killed a mouse.  Earlier he visited me and felt like a friend, but I didn’t want his poop on my floor or countertop.  Where is the Holy Spirit in that?  Does radical hospitality include little creatures that defecate all over your house?  So many questions, so little time!

butternut squash

The earth brought forth vegetation: plants yielding seed of every kind, and trees of every kind bearing fruit with the seed in it.  And God saw that it was good.

Genesis 1:12

I love eating squash in the fall.  My mom bakes acorn squash halves with butter and brown sugar and nutmeg in the little hollow, and I love love love them.  Recently I discovered butternut squash.  So beautiful and delicious!  How did I survive for so long without eating this scrumptious vegetable? 

Below is a recipe for a butternut squash salad I made earlier this week.  Joe suggested tossing the squash in a little of the dressing before roasting it, and I just may try that next time.  I also think that crumbled feta would be tasty on top.  Or bacon.  Note that the dressing recipe makes more than you need for the salad.  It stores well and tastes good on salads or as a marinade for chicken and fish. 

Roasted Butternut Squash Salad

Squash:

1 butternut squash, peeled, de-seeded & cubed

2 tbsp. olive oil

1 tbsp. lemon juice (or to taste)

1 tbsp. dried rosemary or thyme (I used thyme)

Salt and pepper, to taste

Emeril’s Simple Balsamic Vinaigrette

¼ cup balsamic vinegar

2 tsp. dark brown sugar

1 tablespoon chopped garlic

½ tsp. salt

½ tsp. freshly ground black pepper

¾ cup olive oil

Salad:

1 bag spinach

Chopped walnuts (toasted would be good, but I just threw them on)

Feta cheese crumbles, if desired

Preheat oven to 450̊ F.  Peel the squash and cut it into one inch cubes.  In a large bowl, toss squash with olive oil, lemon juice, rosemary or thyme, and salt and pepper.  Spray roasting pan with cooking spray and arrange squash on pan in a single layer.  Roast for 30-40 minutes, tossing three or four times during roasting, until squash reaches desired tenderness and browns around edges.

While squash is roasting beat all the dressing ingredients together.  When the squash is done, toss it with the spinach, walnuts, and however much dressing you like.  Crumble feta on top.  Enjoy!

Makes 2-4 servings.

Sources: Squash recipe adapted from Kalyn's Kitchen

              Dressing recipe from Emeril Lagasse via Food Network